cataplexes

we're all on the keyell! n_n brought a new one into our shield annnd sekat is actually not dying and rela is actually not dying but i fucking lost the ability to help dak and god damn i am mad about it and furiously helpless it's fantastic ..really. also i get to be the group RACK adviser!! yes!!!! ..........................................fml.

funerals are for the survivors
jack is giving a eulogy in my head and it is sad, we have a graveyard like in x-men three i can see all the people standing there i have all these cultural references and metaphors in my mind they never used to be this clear but now it seems like i can only think in terms of movies and tv shows "like in" lol
we are all connected together now and jack sealed off the doorways in our heads within one another

TRY TO GET US NOW SETHAR

i'd love to say yes, but i'm cliche. shit happens for a reason, in a sequence for a reason. i don't want to know the future that i'm not meant to know. if there's an event that i find out it's because i'm meant to see it to completion and that is all. do-overs defeat the purpose of the timeline :S

i found out that this console has internet ~_~

the concept of 'cheating' to me is absolutely ridiculous i don't understand it at all and i don't get it if someone cheats is it because they aren't happy? but then why would they cheat instead of just breaking up i mean i don't get it AT ALL i don't even really understand 'brekaing up' i've always thought it was weird like 'ex wives' and 'stepparents' and shit it weirds me OUT maybe it's apsychic thing or a xeno thing i dont evne know kell is the same way and so is cam so maybe idk but bee is the same way too so it could be a psychic thing like "FFFFFFFFFF ONLY MARIRE UR SOULMATE" or something who even knows i gues its easier for a psychic t osay though

i've picked out which one i want to do it's called uhhhhhhhhhhh 'tali-yor' it means like survival i think it might have been -TOR which is like 'life' but the translator thing saiys 'yor' so you know

basically it means i'm going to be away for a while and kell will be as well, she's elected to be my partner during the time (tiiiiime time time time time time HELLO THERE PUNCHES YOU IN THE KISSER POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER i think i'm having too much amusement to be 'proper' ......... oh well)

i'm going to be cut off from communications and i'm not going to be in the country (hey there canada do u have sand no, no u do not hav sand :K) it's interesting i feel like i am finding myself truly it is bizarre to reconcile the constant feeling of 'outsider' i had as a child with "yes, it is true, this is what you are and it is something different" it's weird to be RIGHT about something like that

cam is having major gender issues, he still prefers tobe called 'he' but he's not wearing PANTS any longer he went all yesterday wearing the female version of our thing......hao interesting~*~

i just about busted a gut when he said it was 'logical to adhere to the form that you are presenting with'

......hey if i'm the leader can i order bee to stop making cultural star trek references PLEASE.

i am really anxious. kell wants me to go through some ritual and i agreed because like anyone in my position i am greedy and eager to learn and experience anything i possibly can and i think she knows this and is attempting to provide some sort of i suppose harmless acquiescance

it's a full cultural immersion but mentally i'm going into seclusion (....YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO COMMENT ON THIS NOT A-ONE OF YOU) and learning about it all and yes it is cliche and stupid but i've shed my fucking family name 'family' lol how quaint!!

i will not give up my first name that is that would be incomprehensible beyond belief i couldnt do that. but my last name is not my own and it is not a part of me adn it does not represent anything that i want to be associated with.

we're going on our first mission

bee got it working she got it TO WORK we're test running it

god it is so amazing and weird to feel like you are a part of something i cannot even describe it it's really really really bizarre

.....................................bee made us get uniforms.

.........i made them all black.

she thought it would be 'funny' if we were TEAM SCIENCE and i put my foot down

greg gave me charts and shit and micah is giving me access to the technology that they've discovered and kept which let bee be able to get the damn rust bucket to work with kell's help and shane's little whirly machine

my friend stephen got us an inventory as well which is a fucking bonus because hey apparently this stuff is more dangerous than pedofighting (and hey couldn't we have totally used an inventory of m16s and covert cell phones then HUH..............intelligence let me show u it)

anyway msg me with an update on how cam's doing i can't get in his head at all (it is all fire and it hurts a lot and he keeps casting me out)

all kinds of weird and unusual visions lol i pissed kell off really badly man she is SCARY when she is angry most of the time she is all innocent and happy and qt but she can be frightening too

shane's lil machine broke :( it couldnt HADNLE THE EFFORT so he's fixing it we're going to try to get kell online and hook it into the typing thing like we did before (lol i read through the logs to assimilate the information into eidetic banks and HAHAHAHA THE ERROR MESSAGES oh god shane n_n you are qt sometimes)

cam is stable but he's got a glasgow rating of about 3 (slightly responsive, cannot follow instructions and is not conscious, pain response etc) we're pretty sure he's STILL involved in whatever mind mumbo jumbo is going on his ratings are evening out though instead of "HEY THERE I JUST RAN 20 MILES AND NOW I AM GOING TO CUT UR HEAD OFF W/ THIS CEREMONIAL KNIFE AND RUN AROUND TEEEEERRRRROOOOOOORRRRRRRRR I JUST RODE 40 ROLLERCOASTERS IN A ROW YAAAEEE" .....which is good. (SCIENCE WORDS ALERT)

cam: i really enjoyed our conversation because it was filled with laughter and it let me know that we were at least alive and that was good. in-depth i love yous were not possible but you know that i do anyway and our link is stronger since i spoke to you -- everything will be all right

kell: what is a 'star trek'? hello amanda (plus a bunch of untranslatable stuff)

jack: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarhrhrhrhrh way to braxe the rulesz!!! i am really glad you got to speak with cam but it was inadvisable at the time because of the precarious nature of his mental well-being i hear you two talked a lot about kell and about his cat who is by the way insane...

alice: hI!!! i lvie you i miss you I HOPE YOU ARE OK caspar is doing well she is cute she pokes me in the nose alot@!!!!

bee: THA FINAL FRONTIERZ~*~*~ hehe hehe helo amandarz ILY I BLEW A DOOR OFF A WEIRD SPACE SHIP THING~*~* ENJOY~**~ also cestral is completely fucking insane he almost clawed my eyes out ;_;

i havent posted in a long time. missing everyone, come back soon. we need rules if we are going to even attempt this

NON INTERFERENCE

we cannot cannot CANNOT interfere even if we want to

imagine if we were in a war and someone tried to come in and help us we would BE IN THEIR DEBT it would be diplomatically UNSAFE for ALL PARTIES INVOLVED

peace it has to be UNARMED and peaceful we cannot be defensive CANNOT

i dont even know how we could even effect weapons even if they were necessary which i imagine they probably would be

alice wants to go in with guns blazing and i cannot permit it we are PEACEFUL

ive got in contact with micah brown and she and her associates are willing to help us i've also contacted a greg waters from the national sp. association he does not believe us in the slightest but like me he is...like scully and all the others, 'wanting' to entertain fantasies

i want to find my parents i want to LEARN we need knowledge and if this is reality we are in god's image we have to be

god i do not even KNOW did you know that i can actually understand parts of it i can say 'healer' and i know how to say 'my name is' and i understand the concept of primum non nocere 'ah ve relhe' or something i cant even phonetically-- its like taste you have to describe it with other tastes there is no point of REFERENCE

i needed to focus completely so i have resigned and i am in hali once again kell and i are working around the clock alice wants to go but she cant abandon caspar

that is no place for a child, that is no place for ANYONE and we need ENERGY it's called propulsive physics and with our combined intellect (she is twenty thousand times smarter than me jesus christ she has brain centers that we do not even HAVE parafrontal cortex i've called it anhe's cortex that is her family name she is not related to me do you understand SHE IS NOT RELATED TO ME)

this is so cruel it is ...it is so, so, so cruel but she is receptive to the idea

it is like genetic engineering and i am morally SO AGAINST IT but i MUST-- must must must... i mean, there are-- there are hardly AN YOF US LEFT what would you do!!!!!! what could you possibly do

it isnt primitive we have options we have culturing we can-- but i cannot, i cannot engineer something of that magnitude but she ... jesus jesus christ someone help me amanda you are our center we NNEEEEEED YOUR ASSISTANCE bee wants to call you and explain...god please allow her

i havent slept in a week weekweeeeeeeeeeeeeekwkewkewkek

(5:55:56 AM) Catrat: nice to talk to you Jack :), have a good day
(5:56:01 AM) jack: you too well tomrorow
(5:56:05 AM) jack: well..today





time is so unsusual